Have you ever met someone and instantly disliked them? Of course you have, we’ve all had this experience at one point or another. But have you ever asked yourself “why”?
In my experience, there are only a couple of reasons for this, which I’ll outline here.
1. The two of you have a history that predates this encounter. This is most frequently the real reason for getting “bad vibes” from someone you just met (not a mugger, but a “regular Joe”). Specifically, you and this person have some sort of betrayal in your history. And you might be inclined to automatically blame them, but in some cases, you were the one who did the betraying. In many cases, there have been multiple incidents of back and forth betrayal. You got them exiled from the tribe, then in the next lifetime, they slept with your mate, then the next time you stole their business, then they killed your father, etc etc etc. Oh, what wonders await you now? Or will you decide to put your foot down and say, “Enough, already!” and let it go?
2. Too close for comfort. In some cases, there are things about the other person that bug you because these are the same characteristics that YOU don’t like in yourself. You don’t like the person, because they are (unknowingly) serving as an unpleasant mirror to you. For example, I always notice when someone interrupts a lot. Because I am an interrupter. Not intentionally, of course, but it happens way more than I’d like. And I find it irritating in other people. That’s just one example. Usually what we don’t like about someone else is the very same thing we are avoiding dealing with in ourselves. Sure, I could clear the interruption thing, but I don’t. Bigger fish to fry, and all that. Or perhaps there’s some resistance to having it cleared, so I don’t even work on it.
3. The other person is a real tool. When #1 and #2 are ruled out, then it could just be that the person is unequivocally a jackass. Here’s an easy way to tell. You’re with a group of people. The alleged jackass enters. You are introduced and immediately decide you don’t like the jackass. Then later, the jackass leaves, and someone in the group says, “That guy is cool.” Your jaw drops and you listen in disbelief as others in the group chime in and agree. Even if it’s 50/50 cool guy vs. jackass, then you can bet your issues with the person stem from a past life betrayal or the mirror effect in you. But if everyone in the group can’t wait for the person to leave, and they ALL agree, then it’s best for you to just let it go and chalk it up to #3.
Typically, these are the only 3 reasons why you would experience that instant icky feeling when you meet someone for the first time. Fortunately, there are very simple ways to handle it.
1. A past life history of betrayal (or multiple betrayals) can easily be cleared. Typically, cord cutting and/or forgiveness work is enough to allow you to let go and clear the space between you. If they are unwilling to let go, you’ll probably never be besties, but at least the air will be cleared, and if you have to interact with the person, you won’t have anxiety over it.
2. If the mirror being held up to you makes you uncomfortable, you can either be willing to look, and see the blemish on yourself and clear it for yourself, or you can look away. You can probably guess which one I recommend, but the choice is ultimately yours.
3. I know for me personally, I prefer to jump right to this conclusion. It’s not me, it’s them. But it’s pretty rare that this is what’s really going on. Sure, they may look and sound and act like a d-bag (and my Daddy always said, if it talks like a duck and quacks like a duck…) but unless everyone in the room is in agreement (for example: the character “Celia” on “Weeds”) then it’s really one of the other options at play. Rule out #1 and #2 before you settle on this one. And if it really is #3, then walk away, or work on your own personal level of tolerance.